EPo40 - part III

Apple vs Pear

Apple? …. Pear? …Orange Peels?….. a Complete Fruit Salad?…….

Extreme Parenting over 40 (EPo40) takes so many paths that lead to your little bundle of joy. One of the most obvious is what your body will look like after that part is over! Note: if you’ve adopted your little darling, it’s OK to smile a bit here and be grateful you get to miss this part—OK, go ahead and gloat.

The issue is WEIGHT and basically how you will look post ‘mature-age’ baby birthing which at least for me, at the time, was a low priority to becoming a mother. Looking back, I was tired and worn out from years of infertility treatments, finally celebrating pregnancy with milkshakes, fruit smoothies, large hot cocoas, boxes of cereal and thousand island dressing on everything (except cereal)! No one was happier than me to eat for TWO! It never occurred to me that I would eventually have to look at a full length mirror……. and freak! During my nine months of bliss, my jumbo pregnancy along with a short stature was no problem! I remember thinking at the end, ‘this better be a big baby’ or I’m going to lie on the announcement. As it turned out, I didn’t have to lie after all about my child’s weight…she ended up arriving 9 days early and was a whopping 9lb 14oz bundle of joy and I have the scar to prove it!

Now for the fun part…. my first post-baby check-up after gaining about 60 pounds, I was frantic managing my new baby, but energized to expect an immediate weight loss of 40 lbs minimum… wrong….! It turned out to be a 3 lbs. loss ! OMG I’ve also learned (take note for those of you thinking about this), the longer this ‘baby fat’ stays on, the more likely you will become a Sausage Maker… (Will explain later).

Over age 40 weight-gain due to infertility and baby birthing is THE most stubborn kind of fat to lose. I also believe the hormones from infertility treatments, permanently change your metabolic system. No kidding… Although my husband claims to like ‘squishy’ skin (he knows better than to say otherwise) … I don’t particularly care for the feeling of a muffin top (or tire) around my mid section. And now after having two ‘high risk’ C-sections, I have found a new meaning for ‘dead skin’…. my stomach! It’s a nightmare that has morphed into my body that now has zero metabolism to fight back. It’s even now more horrifying as I enter those lovely menopausal years.

Now for another unpleasantry…. I am sick of getting dressed as though I am a ‘Sausage Maker’…a la Spanx, control tops, cutie girdles and full body shapers that stretch in weird ways. It’s like a workout to get ready to go out! As a ‘Sausage Maker’ I’ve perfected this art with finding equipment that makes you slim for a moment as your knees bulge along with your neck area and shifts fat to other places like one of those things you squish to relieve stress! Trying to tame my apple and pear figure with orange peel looking skin is a challenge that’s hard to correct! I was never planning to have a ‘fruit salad’ figure at this time in my life… what’s a girl to do? Well, for me; now that the kids are in school all day, I find a couple of great younger friends (they‘re easy to find in my neighborhood) and get out walking…not just a nice restful stroll, but a real fast walk – designed for a ‘race walker’ … I have found this idea of consistent exercise to be cathartic and at times even fun … we have walked the equivalent of Chicago to Omaha and back! This really made me take notice of my zero metabolism… we’re now stabilized (my weight & I) and I’m beginning my first add-on, YOGA in addition to walking and eating next to nothing. I am really enjoying Yoga, but feel some days as though I have been hit by steam roller. ‘Yoga’ sounds so ‘calm’ and relaxing, but it’s anything but that, it’s tough waking up muscles that have never been awake -- hopefully it’s just what I need ….will keep you posted.

P.S. Sorry this column turned into a rant --- but there is no way to use a sugar substitute to ‘sugar-coat’ this subject!

Signing off… The International Laundress