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Parenting Tips

3 Quick Tips To Help You Get Your Child To Listen To You

Click here to download a PDF version

I think it’s fair to say that every parent has struggled with getting their child – regardless of age to listen to them. As parents it can be not only frustrating, but speaking from personal experience – dang stressful if you continue to get repeatedly tuned out.

Look no further and meet Charlotte Landsman. For the past 25 years Charlotte has worked as the Manager of Youth and Senior Services in Highland Park. She is a program Co-Chair for Parenting University, runs the Middle School Parent Network, and twice a year runs the 6 week parenting class – that I am currently enrolled in. My testimony: It works even under extreme conditions! Make sure you watch the videos, Charlotte explains all!

Here are Charlotte’s quick tips to use as a starting point to get your kids to listen to you.

1. KEEP YOUR MESSAGE SHORT.
Click here to see the Charlotte’s 1st tip

One sure fire way your kids will tune you out is with over talking or lecturing.

• So, whatever you do, say it once – short, sweet and to the point.
• Be mindful of your tone too. Charlotte’s recommendation is firm and fair because even the most concise message gets lost if delivered with a bite.

2. USE "I" STATEMENTS
Click here to see the Charlotte’s 2nd tip

• Start off my using I rather than YOU or WHY. Doing so will put the problem at the forefront rather than setting up your child to be on the defensive.
• The formula for using "I" statements which by the way work outside of parenting – in the workplace, with your parents (ha ha) or friends.

Here’s the formula:
I have a problem with ______________________________
And I feel ________________________________________
Because_________________________________________
I would like you to _________________________________

Practice these, Charlotte swears by them and hopefully by next week I will too.

Assuming steps 1 and 2 bomb, move to the next step, the logical consequence.

3. THE LOGICAL CONSEQUENCE
Click here to see the Charlotte’s 3rd tip

I recently learned the difference between a punishment and consequence.
The former is intended to hurt and is often extreme and disconnected from the action.
The later, relates directly to the act itself.
It’s very important that when presenting a logical consequence – it be in the form of a choice.

Here are the phasing combinations to use:

• Either/Or
  "Either you walk the dog now or after dinner, you decide"
• When/Then
  "When you have done your homework, then you can play basketball"
• Lastly, you ideally want your kids involved with choosing their consequence.

No worries, according to Charlotte kids typically give themselves consequences much harsher than the ones we would give them.

For more information about Parenting University or Charlotte’s six week parenting class go to: www.cityhpil.com or call the Firehouse at 847-926-1866.
Tell her Loren sent you and you’ll get a seat in the front row!