Summer Adventure #6: Bristol Renaissance Faire

July 14th, 2008 by Kelly

It finally happened – a summer Saturday where we didn’t have anything already on the schedule. It was a gorgeous day, after a shaky start, so we knew we wanted to do something outdoors, but what? I couldn’t talk my husband into a North Shore tour of sidewalk sales, and then I remembered…
The Bristol Renaissance Faire.
OK, here’s where this blog gets sticky. I want to tell everyone it was a fantastic time - I even have pictures to prove it. But…well, let’s start with the good. Yeah, let’s do that. I’m usually a glass-is-half-full person, so I’m going to look for the positives.

The Faire is in an absolutely lovely setting set off from I-94 in Kenosha. It was really easy to get to, and the entertainment was pretty darn good. If you’re into people watching, this is a must-see event. People from all walks of life gather to dress up in their medieval finery. I got people watching bonus points this weekend for spotting a tranny wench. Yeah, it’s that awesome. In fact, had it just been the husband and me, I would have been pleased as peaches to just sit back and take in the crowds all day long.

The kids got to actively participate in the Royal Joust (Insider Tip: Arrive to scheduled performances ahead of time for a chance to get picked to be a part of the show.) Little ones who thrill at the notion of being an evil minion or knighted by the Queen can do so in the Kids’ Kingdom:

If you want to rent costumes and really play along, you can. If a Halloween costume is in the future, there’s some great, but not cheap, options here. And there’s a bevy of food to choose from, from the traditional turkey legs to pizza and chicken strips for the less adventurous. (Another Insider Tip: Don’t do the Italian Beef. Really. Don’t.)
OK, now for the snarky commentary: First, we had to pay $3 for “preferred parking” - which was pretty much indistinguishable from “non-preferred.” Then, we had to argue with the ticket person about using a BOGO coupon printed off a web site. It costs $20 for adults, and about $10 for kids. Who wouldn’t want to save $20? And trust me, you’re going to need it - After we ran that gauntlet, we were met inside with a number of way cool fun activities for kids of all ages – but nearly EVERYTHING costs extra. Essentially, your $20 gets you in the gate and the theatrical entertainment. If you want to ride a faux jousting pony? That’ll be $3. Want to really joust? That’ll be $10. Jacob’s Ladder? $2. Dungeon tour? $2. Rock-climbing the faux castle wall? $7. Poorly made “jewel-encrusted” wooden swords (Think a $3 trip to Michael’s)? $18. Pony rides? $$$. Petting zoo? $$$$. And on and on. Maybe this would be OK if it were like a carnival and there’s some reward attached - a stuffed dragon, perhaps. But, no. So we essentially spent the day telling our kids “No.” - and that’s no fun at all.

Also? If I wanted to shop, I would have rather hit up the sidewalk sales. Here, I paid $20 for the privilege of essentially walking an outdoor mall, complete with a Middle Ages lotion salesman who wanted me to stop at his cart for a free demo. The hell? I saw some very pretty glass goblets, but at a $105 a piece, I don’t think so! To state it as plainly as possible, the Faire is WAY overpriced and will suck your wallet dry. You’ve been warned!

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