Thinking Things Through - May 2008

THINKING THINGS THROUGH
May 2008

"I absolutely disagree with you!"

My colleague’s response took me by surprise. The last words of my idea were barely out of my mouth when she delivered her vociferous response: "I absolutely disagree with you!"

Our group’s purpose—although not specifically stated (shame on us!)—was brainstorming. We were generating ideas and exploring possibilities for a new project. So it was a bit startling that my colleague so quickly disagreed with my preliminary opinion, my germinating thought.

While I am not naïve enough to think that people will always agree with me, my colleague’s strident response created a surprising “ouch.” Guided for many years by the “seek first to understand . . .” philosophy of Seven Habits author Stephen Covey, I always appreciate—regardless of circumstances—those who take time to understand an idea or point of view; those who respond with “tell me more.”

This experience with my colleague served as a very personal reminder about speaking and listening in a world moving at warp speed. Effectively communicating in any setting goes a long way toward reducing stress and complications that are often a product of our busy, information-packed lives. If we’re really brainstorming, asking for more information without evaluating or judging is the name of the game. In everyday conversation, “tell me more” or “so what you are suggesting . . . ” are powerful ways to continue and deepen a conversation—and to learn.

When we summarize an idea or point of view, all present (even if there are only two), gain clarity and confirmation—as well as the opportunity to see the world through another’s eyes.
Clarification and confirmation allow discussion participants to identify areas of agreement and difference—and gain new knowledge.

By consistently using these strategies we often discover there is something we can learn—even from those with whom we initially disagree.

Let me know how I can help you polish your listening skills—and your ability to respond to others.

Diane Grigg: Speaker/Coach/Mediator
Telephone 847-965-8970
www.dianegrigg.com